IF YOU CAN FIND A XYRON 250 STICKER MAKER FOR LESS, WE'LL LITERALLY EAT A TURD SANDWICH

  1. Look at this beautiful fucker.
  2. That's some high-quality sticker-making shit right there.
  3. We know that our low, everyday price of $24.99 is so fucking outrageous that none of our competitors would DARE sell it for any less.
  4. If fact, we're so confident in our pricing that if you can find one for cheaper, every single Jo-Ann Fabrics employee, nation-wide, will eat a actual, real-life turd sandwich.
  5. We get to choose the type of bread, condiments, and garnishes. But you get the satisfaction of knowing that when Jo-Ann Fabrics makes a promise, Jo-Ann Fabrics fucking DELIVERS.
  6. You think Hobby Lobby are willing to chow down on a pumpernickel-and-poo sandwich to prove how dedicated THEY are to everyday low prices? Fuck no.
  7. We fucking DARE you to try and find another deal this good.