IGNORE THE SEXUAL DYSFUNCTION IN YOUR MARRIAGE WITH THE HELP OF ONE OF OUR MANY ADULT COLORING BOOKS

  1. Not riding the pork train to Boner City anymore? Jo-Ann Fabrics has been there.
  2. Fuck intimacy. Who needs that when you can fill in blank space with crayons.
  3. Your husband may not be able to maintain an erection, but YOU can maintain interest in creating beautiful mandalas.
  4. You haven't had an orgasm since the Bush years. Big whoop. This Indie Rock Coloring Book ain't going to fill itself in.
  5. You know can take your mind off thoughts of divorce? Drawing the blood coming out of children's stab-wounds in this book based on the popular movie series.
  6. Maybe you're one of those religious types who thinks penises are secretly Satan wearing a party hat. Color your shame away in a healthy, Christian manner.
  7. Re-creating the adventures of a boy wizard sure beats laying in bed motionless, wondering when the magic between you and your spouse died.
  8. If you're feeling adventurous, draw dicks all over these critters. Draw an octopus made entirely of dicks. Who gives a shit? Go nuts.
  9. If you can't get off, get creative. Available in-stores and online.