IT'S CRAFTSMAS IN JULY YOU CROSS-EYED CHUCKLE FUCKS
- •Dingaling! Hear those bells? They can only mean one thing!
- •Santa Claus has rolled his fat ass out of bed six months early and is bringing world-class crafting discounts to YOU.
- •That's right. We're appropriating the FUCK of America's favorite holiday.
- •Why are we pulling some shit like this, you ask?
- •You see, the world's been a smoldering pile of angry pubes lately, so we figured we'd bring a little holiday cheer to the middle of a frustrating and terrifying summer.
- •So enjoy special two-for-one deals on some of our most popular items, like buttons and felt and fuckin' whatever else we sell.
- •We're not going to tell you how to spend your Craftsmas in July. That's up to the family courts to decide.
- •So head on down to Jo-Ann Fabrics for some Yuletide cheer, and maybe some cathartic screaming. You can yell at our cashiers all you want. They won't lift a finger to stop you.
- •Two-for-one on everything in-store. Only at Jo-Ann Fabrics.