MAKE AMERICA CRAFT AGAIN WITH OUR YUGE SELECTION OF PATRIOTIC BULLSHIT

  1. Fuck everything. The Trump Train is rolling and you dumb dicks seem to all be aboard it.
  2. Since our preferred candidate, @GovJohnKasich decided to puss out and run away from a challenge like a titty baby, we figured fuck it, we'd better lean into the madness.
  3. So in honor of you, the beating, xenophobic, poorly-educated, reactionary, furious heart of America, here's some fabric with flags and eagles and shit on it.
  4. Holy fuck: eagles THAT ARE ALSO FUCKING FLAGS? Make some shorts out of this and be the hit of your Elks Club meeting.
  5. We think this eagle is supposed to be the president. Fuck it. We're not going to argue with fabric.
  6. Nothing says "I fear people who are different than me" better than a sweatshirt made out of severed, patriotic dicks.
  7. These owls look pretty American. You guys aren't scared of owls, right? Because we just don't know any more.
  8. 30% off all patriotic nonsense store-wide until Election Day. But please start paying in gold bricks. You know, in case things go tits up. Only at Jo-Ann Fabrics.