NOTHING SAYS "FUCK A BABY INTO ME" LIKE A HAND-KNITTED MINIATURE OWL

  1. You know what tells your significant other "I'm ready to gestate your seed" better than anything else?
  2. A hand knitted, adorable miniature owl.
  3. One look at this little yarn fucker and your partner is going from six to midnight on the ol' boner clock.
  4. Seriously, these things are like if Viagra and Cialis double teamed fertility pills.
  5. So get ready to ovulate, 'cause these owls GUARANTEE conception.
  6. Crocheted Owl kits 30% off Memorial Day weekend. Only at Jo-Ann Fabrics.
  7. Get fucking, America.