OUR DEALS ON PROTEST SUPPLIES ARE SO MAGNIFICENT THEY'LL MAKE TRUMP'S MONKEY HEART EXPLODE

  1. Well, everything's fucking terrible.
  2. Ol' Donnie Dickface has managed to fistfuck Lady Liberty in no time flat.
  3. But we here at Jo-Ann Fabrics are true goddamned patriots.
  4. We know that crowds of righteous hell-raisers are the only thing protecting this country from that racist tube sock filled with cottage cheese.
  5. So until he literally trips over his own dick into a nuclear war, we're offering 80% off all protest supplies.
  6. Poster board.
  7. Magic markers.
  8. Paint bottles filled with urine.
  9. "Nazi Whompers®" brand chain-wrapped baseball bats.
  10. If you can use it to make America come to its fucking senses, then you'd better believe it's on sale.
  11. So show the man whose grown children look like community theatre versions of Twilight characters who's the fucking boss.
  12. 80% off protest supplies with promo code "GOLDENSHOWERSMEANYOUREFIRED." Only at Jo-Ann Fabrics.