SO THE WORLD'S KIND OF A FLAMING DONKEY DICK. LIFT YOUR SPIRITS THROUGH THE HEALING POWER OF YARN

  1. Let's be honest: shit sucks right now.
  2. You can't read the news without being horrified by any one of the dozens of major fuckups currently cock-slapping their way around the globe.
  3. We're all just looking for a way to deal.
  4. But you know what's half as expensive antidepressants and twice as habit forming?
  5. Yarn.
  6. Seriously, that shit is the TITS at making you feel warm and comfortable.
  7. Just try squeezing this warm ball of happiness and not feeing years of anxiety and frustration slip away.
  8. We know how overwhelming this shit can be.
  9. But you're tough, god damn it.
  10. You're a motherfucking Jo-Ann Fabrics customer.
  11. If you were gonna puss out when life got to be too scary, you would shop at a mid-tier diarrhea silo like Hobby Lobby.
  12. But you're fucking better than that. You're a champion.
  13. All yarn 80% off until society is no longer a charred hellscape. Only at Jo-Ann Fabrics.