WE'RE JO-ANN MOTHERFUCKING FABRICS, AND HERE'S WHAT WE BELIEVE

Inspired by our own magnificence.
  1. We believe crafting isn't being done right unless you're bleeding after.
  2. We believe Hobby Lobby is being run by a literal bucket of assholes.
  3. We believe that, given the opportunity, we'd definitely fingerbang a muppet.
  4. We believe that yarn is an effective form of birth control.
  5. We believe that we sling the best yay on the motherfucking block.
  6. We believe in a woman's right to choose which child she wants to abandon in one of our fine stores.
  7. We believe glitter is unicorn herpes.
  8. We believe Michaels should quit while they're behind.
  9. We believe that vests are a cry for help.
  10. We believe that happiness CAN be found at the bottom of a bottle, as long as it's a bottle of acrylic paint.
  11. We believe that hell probably looks a shit-ton like the inside of a David's Bridal.
  12. We believe a horse is just a donkey with a college degree.
  13. We believe that you deserve 40% off scrapbooking supplies with promo code "IAMBECOMECRAFTS." Only at Jo-Ann Fabrics.