WELL, WE FUCKED UP. FREE TWO-GALLON BUCKET OF RAW, UNREFRIGERATED SHRIMP WITH EVERY TWINE PURCHASE

  1. Remember how we declared April to be "Lobsterfest" at Jo-Ann Fabrics stores nationwide?
  2. Turns out, a total lack of refrigeration has resulted in our stores smelling like a whale's pussy.
  3. Whoopsie fuckin' daisey.
  4. But at Jo-Ann Fabrics, we don't believe in admitting mistakes.
  5. Because we are fucking FLAWLESS.
  6. So we've got the deal of a lifetime for you, our loyal customers:
  7. Two pounds of rancid, inedible, raw shrimp with any twine purchase.
  8. Seriously. ANY purchase.
  9. And yeah, we know twine costs, like, 85 cents.
  10. But whatever. We don't care. Just get this fucking shrimp OUT OF HERE.
  11. JESUS CHRIST, OUR STORES ARE DROWNING IN SHRIMP.
  12. WE FOUND A WHOLE COLONY OF GULLS IN THE BREAK ROOM AT STORE FL-256.
  13. JUST GET THIS ROTTING OCEAN VOMIT OUT OF HERE. AND BUY SOME FUCKING TWINE WHILE YOU'RE AT IT.
  14. Available on-store or online. Only at Jo-Ann Fabrics