1. Remember how we declared April to be "Lobsterfest" at Jo-Ann Fabrics stores nationwide?
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  2. Turns out, a total lack of refrigeration has resulted in our stores smelling like a whale's pussy.
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  3. Whoopsie fuckin' daisey.
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  4. But at Jo-Ann Fabrics, we don't believe in admitting mistakes.
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  5. Because we are fucking FLAWLESS.
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  6. So we've got the deal of a lifetime for you, our loyal customers:
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  7. Two pounds of rancid, inedible, raw shrimp with any twine purchase.
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  8. Seriously. ANY purchase.
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  9. And yeah, we know twine costs, like, 85 cents.
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  10. But whatever. We don't care. Just get this fucking shrimp OUT OF HERE.
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  11. JESUS CHRIST, OUR STORES ARE DROWNING IN SHRIMP.
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  12. WE FOUND A WHOLE COLONY OF GULLS IN THE BREAK ROOM AT STORE FL-256.
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  13. JUST GET THIS ROTTING OCEAN VOMIT OUT OF HERE. AND BUY SOME FUCKING TWINE WHILE YOU'RE AT IT.
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  14. Available on-store or online. Only at Jo-Ann Fabrics