FAVORITE COMMERCIAL HAND DRYERS BY EMOTIONAL CONNECTION

  1. XLERATOR™
    Aggressive. Utilitarian. The Clint Eastwood of hand dryers. The goal is to get you back out in the mall faster than you can high five an American eagle riding a drone made of biceps. What better way than with a retrofitted F-18 jet engine?
  2. Dyson Airblade™
    Futuristic at the cost of functionality. Dip your hands into this precarious germ portal. Be careful not to touch the edges. To ensure steady hands, please become a neurosurgeon before drying. This baby is a nod at our future techno-utopian overlord, Elon Musk. Next stop, HOVER SHITTERS.
  3. World Dryer™
    This is your respectable, probably-not-gonna-get-murdered-here bathroom dryer. Simple, yet refined. Not aggressive, but efficient. It's like that neighbour who you find out is dead and all you have to say is, "oh that's too bad".
  4. Air Max™
    Take a knife, gun, and several intimidating friends with you to drop a loaf in a bathroom containing this phoned-it-in design concept. Look around. You're probably in danger. Anyone who cares this little for the restroom design will also sleep peacefully after mopping up your dismembered corpse.