26 Lies I Told Myself in High School

Ah, to be so young, so alive, and so wrong. These are some of the biggest lies I told myself as a Texas high school student in the late 80s.
  1. 1.
    Like me, no one at this school is really having sex.
  2. 2.
    It'll always be this easy to stay thin.
  3. 3.
    The most important thing are my grades.
  4. 4.
    She wouldn't want to go out with me. I'm better off not asking.
  5. 5.
    I'll always be a dog person.
  6. 6.
    Working out is a waste of my time.
  7. 7.
    Age 30 is really old.
  8. 8.
    I'll have lots of sex in college. Lots.
  9. 9.
    Nobody I know will die anytime soon.
  10. 10.
    Madonna will never be as big a star as Cyndi Lauper.
  11. 11.
    Something bad will happen if I eat this fully-bunned cheeseburger in the middle of Passover.
  12. 12.
    My mom is a two-dimensional person.
  13. 13.
    I need a wallet with a velcro closure.
  14. 14.
    Like me, no one at this school is taking drugs.
  15. 15.
    I'll never get a divorce.
  16. 16.
    I'll keep my cassette collection forever.
  17. 17.
    These parachute pants are a good investment.
  18. 18.
    I'll never need a lawyer.
  19. 19.
    I'm as good a writer now as I'll ever be.
  20. 20.
    When that kid in the lunch line looked at me and suddenly said, "Fucking Jew," my replying "Fucking Christian" was a decent comeback.
  21. 21.
    This town will always be my home.
  22. 22.
    I'll never get fired.
  23. 23.
    I'll never love anyone like I love that girl I've had a crush on since 6th grade.
  24. 24.
    I dress well and my hair looks good.
  25. 25.
    Fifty dollars is an enormous amount of money.
  26. 26.
    This is the perfect tuxedo for prom.