1. if you spill tabasco sauce on your nicest button down at a tex mex restaurant
  2. if you put some tabasco sauce on your food but you didnt realize it was the spiciest kind and you have a sensitive palette
  3. if it's your wedding day and your husband runs off with tabasco sauce after you foolishly made her a bridesmaid even though you knew their past history
  4. if tabasco sauce turns out to be a double agent and several of your best men perish in the cartel's ambush
  5. if you tell tabasco sauce who you like at a sleepover and tabasco sauce totally just like turns around and tells him and you're so embarrassed you just want to die