Casting Choices for the Inevitable Action/Drama/Thriller Movie Version of Billy Joel's "Piano Man"

Can you honestly say that this would never happen.
  1. Daveed Diggs
    Bill. The piano man.
  2. Danny Glover
    The old man sitting next to the piano man. Making love to his tonic and gin.
  3. John Cho
    The younger man who's clothes the old man stole and proceeded to wear. Earlier that day.
  4. Sam Rockwell
    John at the bar. Gets the piano man his drinks for free. Has big dreams of being a movie star. Dies tragically right before those dreams are realized.
  5. Paul Giamatti
    Paul, the real estate novelist. Never had time for a wife.
  6. Kathy Najimy
    Sue. Actual real estate agent. Always hanging around the bar and trying to get Paul to notice her. In a perfect world they would be married. But this ain't a perfect world. Because Paul doesn't have time for a wife.
  7. Woody Harrelson
    Davy. Still in the Navy. Probably gonna die in the Navy. Doesn't have much of a life. Talks to Paul sometimes. A nod to "Cheers."
  8. Tessa Thompson
    The waitress practicing politics. Always engaging people in constructive arguments about the world at large. Has dreams of breaking out of this town. Lots of verbal and also sexual tension with John at the bar.
  9. Jonah Hill
    Businessman #1. Getting stoned.
  10. Aziz Ansari
    Businessman #2. Lonely.
  11. Jack Nicholson
    Businessman #3. Somewhat of a role model to Businessmen #1 and #2 because it seems as if he has his shit together and is content with his high-paying life of business, but in reality, he is the loneliest and most stoned of the group.
  12. John Goodman
    The manager. Rarely smiles, but when he does, you know it's because you did something awesome.
  13. Coming Summer 2019.
  14. Directed by Wes Anderson.
  15. It's also a heist movie.