- •"The new Smurf movie coming out is made by a different studio than the other Smurf movies. Even though they look exactly alike. They're not connected at all."
- •"Caspian changed his accent between Prince Caspian and Voyage of the Dawn Treader. He was Spanish in one movie and then he was British in the next. Never forget. Never let the world forget."
- •"The ocean is terrifying. How in the hell do we all swim in it so nonchalantly."
- •"Go into Rogue One with an open mind and an open heart but don't be surprised if it drops your ass hard."
- •"Bill Watterson is just alive and kicking somewhere out there."
- •"The kid who plays Jesse in Mighty Ducks is the pitcher from The Sandlot."
- •"Amy Adams has been nominated for five Oscars, and she won the Golden Globe for Best Actress in a Motion Picture Musical or Comedy for two consecutive years. No one talks about it."
- •"Aliens could land tomorrow and give us technology that would allow us to travel to other galaxies. Life is never predictable."
- •"The thing with the holes in it that you hang tools on is called a peg board, not a smorgasbord. It should concern you that you made it 22 years thinking it was called a smorgasbord."