Fictional Doors, And How To Open Them
In case anyone ever comes across any of these, I got allllllllllllll the keys for ya.
- •Door to MoriaOk, so there needs to be moonlight shining on it, good luck with that, and you need to say the word "Mellon." Which is elvish for "friend." Even though it's a dwarf door. And dwarves and elves hate each other. Most unrealistic part of the whole series if you ask me.
- •Door to a regular security bank vault at GringottsYou need that key, essay.
- •Door to a higher security bank vault at GringottsYou need that goblin to rub it a little.
- •Door to the highest security bank vault at GringottsYeah you're gonna have to get past a dragon.
- •Door to the enormous Free Mason treasure room hidden beneath New York CityOk so you need this really ancient pipe that breaks into two parts, and you need to stick the parts into these holes in the wall and give the whole thing a little spin and a push and you will be rolling in the Benjamins.
- •The Black GateWalking up to it and calling Sauron a lil bitch should do it.
- •Door to a prison cell in Port RoyalLeverage.
- •Door to the Room of RequirementSo you need to go on like the seventh floor (?) of the castle, find this painting of a guy trying to teach these trolls how to dance, and then walk back and forth in front of the wall opposite that painting, all while thinking of what you need most. Like a MAP OF ALL THE HORCRUXES VOLDEMORT EVER CREATED, FOR EXAMPLE, HARRY.
- •Door to the Lonely MountainThis ones kinda tricky. You have to be at this random rock on the side of the mountain at sunset on a day that only comes once, at which point and ONLY at which point will a tiny keyhole appear. If you have the key that fits said keyhole, which is unlikely, then feel free to stick it in there, give it a twist, and instantly get eaten by the fire breathing devil dragon with the voice of Benedict Cumberbatch that lives on the inside.
- •Door to Treasure PlanetSo this one is interesting, because you have to already be on treasure planet in order to access the door to the core of treasure planet, which is where said actual treasure is. You do this by placing your handy map ball in its little concave groove in the ground, and then pressing the right button, which will point the portal that just magically appeared right where you wanted to go. And then the planet miiiiiight self destruct. Have fun.
- •Door to the Chamber of SecretsGive it a little hiss. In the language that snakes speak. Don't forget the accent.
- •The Door to Narnia via the WardrobeFirst time around is pretty simple. You just need to get into the wardrobe and walk past the coats, and the only condition is that you can't know that Narnia is on the other side. Makes it kinda hard to come back once you leave tho.
- •Door to Boo's roomYou gotta hook it up to the machine, and that door CANNOT have any splinters missing. Wait for the red light, then proceed. And then burst into tears because, like, Monsters Inc and Kitty and stuff.
- •Door to the Spirit WorldEither do some weird Avatar shit at the North Pole and unlock the portal, or overload your spirit energy weapon anywhere in the world. Which will also unlock a portal. Then you can just walk right in. Preferably with a bud.
- •Door to the Murder CaveSpill a little blood on a rock, you'll be golden.
- •Door(s) to the Sorcerer's StoneOk this ones easy. You just need to play some flute music to put the giant three headed dog to sleep, fall hundreds of feet onto a bed of murderous plants, set those plants on fire, fly around on a broomstick trying to catch a flying key in a swarm of thousands, take down a cave troll, win a game of human-sized chess in which you must also participate as a kill-able piece, pick the right potion out of a lineup that includes poison, and then look into a mirror and not want to use the stone. Cake.