NIGHTLY BATHROOM RITUAL

  1. 1.
    Spend an hour on the toilet/internet
  2. 2.
    Take too long of a shower
  3. 3.
    Feel guilty about the children in underdeveloped countries who do not have access to clean water
  4. 4.
    Turn shower off
  5. 5.
    Squeegee the glass shower doors to get rid of excess water because I share a bathroom with my granddad and he says we now have to do this to prevent mold
  6. 6.
    Passive aggressively stare through the wall into my granddad's room
  7. 7.
    Brush teeth
  8. 8.
    Decide that I used mouth wash that one time last week so I'm good for tonight
  9. 9.
    Think about how disgusting my retainer is
  10. 10.
    Think about how bullshit it is that I have to use a retainer for the rest of my life