PEOPLE I WOULD HAVE A VOLDEMORT VS. HARRY POTTER WAND DUEL WITH

  1. Azula from The Last Airbender
    She'd cheat and I would definitely die while she laughed, but I don't end up having a mental breakdown so the joke's on her. But yeah I'm definitely dead.
  2. Mr. Tinkles
    Most people would underestimate a cat trying to hold a wand, but I do not; we've fought before, many times. I approach the duel not knowing if I'll make it out, but ultimately the army of mice that he conjures turns on him. He defeats himself.
  3. Actual Harry Potter
    I defeat him pretty easily and no one is surprised. Harry literally knows like 2 spells.
  4. Gandalf
    I'm scream-crying in the seconds leading up to the duel because I don't want to fight him, but he says that we must. He defeats me almost instantly and not without regret. But then Dumbledore, my second, steps in, and we get the Gandalf vs. Dumbledore battle the world has been waiting for. This was my plan all along.
  5. Slappy the dummy from Goosebumps
    Set his creepy ass on fire so fast
  6. The Baudelaire orphans
    This duel is a joke and we all know it. We play around a bit and then leave to go drink tea in a library that's also somehow on a submarine in the rain.