"SERIES OF UNFORTUNATE EVENTS" BOOK TITLES THAT LEMONY SNICKET EVENTUALLY SCRAPPED
We coulda had 'em all
- •The Cataclysmic ChristmasViolet, Klaus, and Sunny find work at a mall kiosk during the holidays, selling overpriced crepes. Olaf tries to murder them disguised as Santa. It ends with a pair of owls stealing a baby and then the mall burns down.
- •The Disastrous Dolphin ParkThe gang runs a Seaworld-esque water theme park that has terrible management and guess who the health inspector is? A shark ends up eating a middle aged man. Sunny learns to swim though.
- •The Fraudulent FiestaWe open in Mexico. The orphans are on the run and must disguise themselves as a team of Norwegian party planners. Olaf appears as a competitor who sells pinatas, and the Quagmire triplets are hidden. In one of the pinatas. Mexico catches on fire at the end.
- •The Underwhelming Umbrella ShopNot a lot happens in this one.
- •The Erroneous EggplantThe orphans get jobs on an eggplant farm in what we suspect is rural South Dakota. Sunny finds a way to make the eggplants taste so good that they begin to receive national attention, alerting Count Olaf of their whereabouts. Olaf and Esme show up disguised as snobby food critics, but the orphans eventually make their getaway by secretly adding sleeping pills to the recipe, drugging everyone at the county eggplant fair, and escaping on a hot air balloon that eventually gets attacked by eagles.
- •The Nauseating NewspaperThe orphans finally infiltrate that damn newspaper that published false shit about them for like the entire series, and there's a lot of fire and teacups and homemade screwdrivers. They eventually burn down the building, but the paper survives online.
- •The Overwhelmed OrphansIt's the exact same plot as Bad Boys 2, except the orphans are the main characters, and everything is on fire and also given a vaguely 1930s theme.