THE MURPHY FAMILY INITIATION PROCESS

The Murphy family is a tough clique to get into, and if you wanna be a member, these things are gonna have to happen. I don't make the rules. And you punks thought this would be easy.
  1. 1.
    Climb three different mountains in Georgia carrying a water bottle that is inexplicably leaking.
    Bonus points if the mountain you're climbing on was the site of a massacre at some point in history.
  2. 2.
    Drive up to Canada in a large van with your extended family. 3 times. Go further and further into Canada each time.
    Do you see that shoulder strap? Well. If you try hard enough, it's a pillow.
  3. 3.
    Get ready to develop a taste for tofu.
    Because guess what's on the menu tonight.
  4. 4.
    If you can't quote every line from Lord of the Rings, The Last of the Mohicans, and Sister Act 2, don't even bother showing up.
  5. 5.
    You ever heard of Roller Coaster Tycoon?
    Well you have now. When I get back, I want to see a clean park with at least 90% visitor satisfaction and AT LEAST two water rides.
  6. 6.
    We're a Harry Potter family, if you can't handle that, you can't handle us.
    Books > films, but you better be pretty damn familiar with both.
  7. 7.
    Go over the data limit?
    You're outta here.
  8. 8.
    Try watching Netflix in another room while Mom is watching Supernatural in the kitchen?
    You're outta here.
  9. 9.
    You're gonna want to brush up on your 1970s-1980s trivia.
    Because that's the only Trivial Pursuit game we have, and those cards make FREQUENT appearances at family dinners.
  10. 10.
    Family lineup pictures at Christmas are non. facking. negotiable.
    Smile or die.
  11. 11.
    Good luck.