THE MURPHY FAMILY INITIATION PROCESS
The Murphy family is a tough clique to get into, and if you wanna be a member, these things are gonna have to happen. I don't make the rules. And you punks thought this would be easy.
- •Climb three different mountains in Georgia carrying a water bottle that is inexplicably leaking.Bonus points if the mountain you're climbing on was the site of a massacre at some point in history.
- •Drive up to Canada in a large van with your extended family. 3 times. Go further and further into Canada each time.Do you see that shoulder strap? Well. If you try hard enough, it's a pillow.
- •Get ready to develop a taste for tofu.Because guess what's on the menu tonight.
- •If you can't quote every line from Lord of the Rings, The Last of the Mohicans, and Sister Act 2, don't even bother showing up.
- •You ever heard of Roller Coaster Tycoon?Well you have now. When I get back, I want to see a clean park with at least 90% visitor satisfaction and AT LEAST two water rides.
- •We're a Harry Potter family, if you can't handle that, you can't handle us.Books > films, but you better be pretty damn familiar with both.
- •Go over the data limit?You're outta here.
- •Try watching Netflix in another room while Mom is watching Supernatural in the kitchen?You're outta here.
- •You're gonna want to brush up on your 1970s-1980s trivia.Because that's the only Trivial Pursuit game we have, and those cards make FREQUENT appearances at family dinners.
- •Family lineup pictures at Christmas are non. facking. negotiable.Smile or die.
- •Good luck.