Stories to Tell Your Conservative Family at Thanksgiving

Also known as, how to put your grandmother on her deathbed.
  1. After school I've decided to backpack across the country searching for my soul and to reconnect with Mother Nature (Optional: change the country you are traveling in. Bonus points for more controversial countries)
  2. You have also decided to stop eating any good with a face. Instead you only eat food that starts with the letter Q.
  3. While on your rebellious phase you've contracted a case of polio. Even though test positive, you still plan on never vaccinating your children.
  4. Speaking of children, you and your partner plan to adopt all of your children from Syria.
  5. And you're converting to Islam.
  6. And setting up a rehabilitation camp to save refugees.