MY IDIOT CAT'S FAVORITE ACTIVITIES (PRE-5AM)
- •Bite my fingersIn his defense, they do somewhat resemble little sausages.
- •Attack my shoesOne Nike high top is so far under my bed that I've given up on it entirely.
- •Knock everything off the nightstandOnly the clock radio remains
- •Try to poison meI get that nature calls but, like, he could save a BM or two for the afternoon.
- •Climb into the gatbageI don't get it. There's nothing in there but garbage.
- •Talk incessantly about my ex-girlfriendOkay this isn't exactly "true" but it feels like it, you know?
- •Guarantee I'm wide awake by 6:30aParticularly great on weekends.