My Darkest Moment ⚫️

Inspired by @ListPrompts - This is only my third list but I really feel like I need to put this out in the world somewhere...
  1. It will actually be almost a year ago that this happened.
  2. Last year was my freshman year at college and I had just finished my first semester.
  3. At my school, we have Jan-Term every January. You have to complete two to graduate and one must be the January of your first year.
  4. Jan-Term is when you take one class for a month. They are typically pretty easy.
    Mine was History of Rock. It was beyond easy and I basically sat chatting about music with the professor. She became one of my favorite people on campus. I think she liked me as I was the one girl in class who talked. (Of the two girls in a 22 person class.)
  5. This means we spend less time in class and studying and more time partying.
  6. It was a blast! I went out with my friends almost every night. It was great.
  7. Until that night.
  8. My best friend Aly - who was typically my party partner - was sick and was at her grandmother's for the weekend.
  9. I had thought about staying in that night and having a relaxing night of Netflix.
    I should have...
  10. Instead another friend - Emma - invited me to go out with her. So I did.
  11. My brain has blocked out a lot of it but I remember going to the frat row, somehow making it to the typical house I go to, and dancing with a few different guys and Emma.
  12. By this point, we had had quite a lot to drink. I should have never let myself get to that point, let alone past it.
  13. I ended up dancing with this guy.
  14. I remember him slowly moving me away from Emma, who was tipsy and distracted with a friend.
  15. This is when everything gets really splotchy and I don't know if it was the alcohol or the PTSD.
  16. I remember telling myself and him I was not going to sleep with him. I remember reciprocating the kiss and making out. I remember the touching and how it was not what I wanted. I remember him asking if we could go in the bathroom or upstairs. I remember telling him I had to get back.
  17. He asked to walk me back. I said okay.
  18. I don't remember walking back except him stopping in front of the fountain and kissing me. I remember trying to push him away. I remember telling him I was not going to sleep with him and laughing while I said it.
  19. We got back and I think everyone knows how this ends by this point.
  20. My friends were all distracted with another friend who had alcohol poisoning.
    It was a crazy night for everyone...
  21. I got into my room and he followed me in. I remember my door shutting.
  22. I don't remember him locking the door. I don't remember him kissing me.
  23. I do remember telling him I wasn't going to sleep with him. I remember him telling me he wouldn't leave until I did.
  24. I don't remember most of it. Just little parts that I have seen in nightmares.
  25. I know it happened on my bed cause that is were I sobered up. It was still happening when my roommate was trying to get in.
    Though this is the only thing she has ever done for me, and she later poked fun at the event in front of all our friends without knowing what really happened, I will love her forever for intervening.
  26. I freaked out - which I think caught him of guard. I pushed him off of me, got dressed, told him to get dressed, and unlocked the door. I quickly ran into my friend who had alcohol poisoning's room - where everyone was taking care of her.
  27. I remember not being able to think and a friend asking if I wanted her to get him to leave.
  28. She tried but he wouldn't leave until I told him.
  29. I walked out and he handed me his phone. In my panic, I put my number in. He kissed me for a while and then said goodbye.
  30. I don't remember anything until I told my friends I needed an emergency contraceptive. I called my older sister, who is a PharmD and asked her about it. I remember crying on the phone with her, sitting on the floor of my RA and best friend Mrm's room, while being hugged by I think four of my friends.
  31. It's funny how in the darkest moments light is pretty easy to find...