Verbatim: Cards Against Humanity

My friends and I play Cards Against Humanity at midnight last night. Here are some of the golden commentary:
  1. Honestly my heart is saying child abuse.
  2. I want waking up with bbq sauce on my titties to be a card.
  3. Diamond clitoris?
  4. Who put Emma Watson?
  5. Come on holocaust jokes!
  6. Who put old people smell? That's not fun! Put that back in!
  7. I really like an Oedipus complex. Not as a person but as a card.
  8. It's between panda sex and the morbidly obese.
  9. That's what the panda said.
  10. Unfulfilled panda sex.
  11. I'm am crying. There is a tear coming out of my eye.
  12. I have literally been throwing out cards and causing an apocalypse.
  13. It's a placenta, it's good for you.
  14. What if we called everything that weren't penises penises.
  15. What would we call penises?
  16. Lampshades
  17. Hey girl, come suck my lampshade.
  18. How did I lose my virginity? Riding a horse.
    I wouldn't know whether to stop to smoke a cigarette or ride to the next town.
  19. You're a lesbian.
    Did you just erase me?!?
  20. A romantic candle light dinner would not be complete withoutPOWERFUL THIGHS. JOHN CENA! DUN DUNA DUN! DUN DUNA DUDUN!
  21. Back by popular demand, it's Dick Fingers!
  22. Aly would have butt sex for a diamond necklace. I outed you.
  23. Protein powder, bitch!
  24. Focus on me! I won!