That Moment on Tour (When You're the Only Female) And...

  1. The mother of every male on the tour made them each a batch of cookies for the trip...
    And you say to yourself. "Ahuh... I got the full story on you." And they have no idea you know what you know.
  2. You get cornered by the drunk weirdo man at every show with beer breath who likes your set thinks you wanna hear about what he loves about girl singers.
    Lucky you.
  3. You crash at a local act's house and they have 7 cats.
    And you die from consumption. This is a unisex issue.
  4. You see this man.
  5. You find countless untraceable bruises that keep revealing themselves.
    But just you. Nobody else.
  6. You're sleeping on the floor with 5 males and they're fully at peace and the SNORING takes you into a full 5am personality eclipse.
  7. You see this book for sale.
  8. You don't shower for 7 days and everyone looks more and more rock and roll because they're guys and you just look less and less "marketable" and you start washing your hair in gas station sinks.
    Not for the sake of marketability but for the sake of your own comfort.
  9. Every piece of countless roadkill you see makes you cry.
    Also can be a unisex issue.
  10. You get a queen bed to yourself and you believe a higher power.
    And you just feel the sheets with your whole body.
  11. By nature. You get the middle seat. Every time. Because you just fit in small places.
    That's the way the cookie crumbles.