Things I Did After Getting Stoned by Myself

I haven't smoked pot in while! My homeboy is working this weekend and I'm not really that religious.
  1. Brushed my teeth for 15 minutes
    I have a sonicare.
  2. Took my iron supplement and said "You're so good" out loud. Because I'm anemic and I've been trying to be a better grown up.
  3. Ate leftovers
    Before I even knew what I was doing. Seamless transition from iron to stuff.
  4. Decided I was going to take myself to the movies.
    Cinderella... But then decided I'd rather see the new Noah Baumbach.
  5. Pee'ed and said "You're okay." Out loud when I saw it.
    I ate beets and it was magenta.
  6. Decided to drive to the movies.
    Really not safe... I know. And realized it as I was driving which is why I probably went at 3mph the entire way.
  7. Parallel parked with grace and ease.
    Possibly my best.
  8. Successfully snuck chocolate into Williamsburg Cinemas.
    Brooklyners know it's basically humanly impossible to sneak snacks in there.
  9. Now the movie's about to start bye!