Texts You Never See

  1. "What time is it?"
  2. "Checking to make sure you're asleep?"
  3. "Happy birthday! Please do not feel in any way obligated to say thanks. It's your big day and you shouldn't have to spend it just managing replies!"
  4. "Turn on channel 4!!"
  5. "Do you know a place in Manhattan I can get a cup of coffee?"
  6. "Sorry I didn't write back last night. You asked me if I wanted to hang out, but I will never want to with you. I just want to stay perpetually in the vague planning stage with you. So that's why I went silent."
  7. "Please send more dick pics."