The Difficult Life of a Time Traveler
As exciting as time travel might sound to you, there are some real downsides I bet you haven't thought of. I've made over 40 trips for work, and it's not all it's cracked up to be.
- •Explaining time travel to you is very hard.I have to choose between sounding like a crazy person to you or a dummy to myself. I've learned that dummy is the better choice. Nobody wants to hear that we call it Cc<2 which is the equation for time travel into the past*, or who Natta Pranda is, or that for the most part time travel is lame and over-legislated and basically just a money laundering pipeline. *time travel into the future does not and will never exist. Again, hard to explain. I know what you want to argue.
- •You lose respect for history.Next to none of the shit you learned actually defined the time...you know the line "tastes like chicken"? Well this is like that, but it's "feels like 1998." I went to 1969 once and it turns out that the hippie culture is only about as big as the hipster culture is. And if you thought hipsters were annoying...
- •Falling in love with someone in the past is painful the moment it starts.The further back you travel, the harder it is; you see a beautiful woman, and you're immediately heartbroken to know that when you return to present day she'll have been long gone. One time I stayed up all night before I returned to PD with the sweetest girl God ever made and the next morning I told her how I felt about her as I stood over her gravestone. I didn't get out of bed for a week after that. Love is torture no matter where you go.
- •Head colds suckAnd nothing's like a post-time travel head cold. The "trip" robs your body of vitamins, especially C and D. You basically have to live on DayQuil for two weeks after each run. You look like a meth head when you hit up CVS.
- •You never get to meet your heroes.Everyone always dreams of going back in time and meeting the person/people who defined it. Well guess what, you get there and nobody knows you, and those great, important people have security and you sound like a crazy person if you try and explain that you're from the future and want to meet Jimi Hendrix.
- •Time traveling wastes time.While you're gone, things change and people keep living their lives. When you return to PD, it's as many other days later as you've been gone for. One time I missed Christmas because I was staying in 1974 for the Summer.
- •You just get fucking confusedGood luck remembering who you told a story to, or how to talk to people of different races, or which cover story you've got to stick to. Your memories get all warped. One life in one set time is enough, I promise you. It all just gets kind of sad. Live your life and love it. And believe me when I say that death is a part of life.