Unlisted Ingredients in a Mike's Hard Lemonade

Under mounting pressure from consumers, the FDA recently completed an audit of the ingredients in Mike's Hard Lemonade. The results don't bode well for the flavored ale maker.
  1. Jet ski exhaust water
  2. Police "caution" tape
  3. Pink Panther plush carnival prize fillings
  4. Cracked cell phone screen shards
  5. True Religion jeans stitchin's
  6. Hot tub farts
  7. Solid burps
  8. Cracker Barrel rocking chair dust
  9. Hand job sweat
  10. A Cinnabon store full of old tires, on fire.
  11. "Pre-gurgitation"
  12. Night school orientation packets
  13. Plunger clumps (thanks @sky)