Notes of the Scale, Recast as Guests at Your Housewarming Party

  1. F-sharp
    A friend from when you first moved to the city. F-sharp is great at bar trivia, back when they used to have trivia. Can always keep the ball in the air during a conversation, but you muted them Facebook during the election and never unmuted them. Can't remember the last time you did something just the two of you.
  2. C
    A childhood friend. But as you look at C now, you realize it's all gotten really surface-y over the last few years. Or was it always this shallow, and your expectations have changed? Maybe he's just a childhood friend, and you're not children anymore.
  3. A-flat
    You were kind of nervous to invite A-flat, who is really more an acquaintance than a friend. Would they even want to come? But then it turns out they're awesome and fit in perfectly and brought a LEGO salt and pepper shaker set as a gift.
  4. E-flat
    The wunderkind. People talk shit about E-flat because he's successful and strange and has that dog who always looks like it's about to keel over. But you have one really intense five minute conversation with him in the kitchen and remember why you need E-flat. He pushes you to try harder and care less about impressing others.
  5. G
    G is the best. He calls on his way over to see if you need ice. Of course you need ice. He brings plenty.
  6. D
    G's girlfriend. You wondered if they were compatible at the start, but over time you realized that the best couples are the ones where you can still discern them as individuals. She works at some web design firm, but you've seen some of her freelance drawing and it's really good.
  7. B-flat
    Everyone loves B-flat, but he still drinks like he's in college, and this won't end well. He says something vaguely dark about A-flat's past -- apparently they knew each other years ago. This only makes you like A-flat more.
  8. C-sharp
    Won't stop taking about how much her Uber driver smelled. After the third time hearing a snippet of the complaint, you realize that you've really never heard C-sharp be positive about anything. She's not toxic as much as narcissistic, like the world is conspiring to annoy her. You won't invite her again.
  9. E
    E is the worst. You didn't invite him. He's friends with C (who isn't?) and asks you how much rent you're paying without even the courtesy of, "If you don't mind me asking..." He says the red wine is corked, but it tastes fine to you. What's worse is that you've read some of his stuff, and it's terrific.
  10. B
    B shows up first, one minute after the start time on the email. You have some awkward conversation while heating up Trader Jo's appetizers. B only drinks Coke, which you had really gotten as a mixer but whatever, and is missing a finger on her left hand. (You've never asked why.) Four hours later, B is one of the last people to leave, and you realize they actually did some cleaning up.