I'm trying to watch the Star Wars movies leading up to this week's big event, but I can't keep documenting how horrible Episode 2 is. (Updating as I get through the movie.) Episode 1: Star Wars: Episode 1 Is Horrible
  1. Senator Amadala to Anakin: "you'll always be that little boy I met." * can't wait to fuck you *
  2. Jesus... This assassination attempt is so stupid. Use a machine to deliver an animal to a room to bite someone. Why not just have the machine shoot up the place?
  3. The resulting chase between Anakin and the bounty hunter is so stupid.
    They fall for minutes and get no closer to the ground. More importantly, Jedis do cool things, they can fall for a minute to perfectly land on a single car zipping by. It's so removed from reality... Which sounds dumb. But I get "Luke can jump high," in EP V, but not what is happening in this chase. Jedi aren't Gods.
  4. I hate all of the lighting in these movies, but especially Coruscant. Nothing feels like natural light.
  5. So, they catch the bounty hunter on a crazy chase, and just before she confesses, she's killed. Like, someone CHASED them on their crazy chase and acted just at the right time... Then disappeared.
    Ugh. This is going to be a long movie.
  6. Amadala and Anakin's chemistry is like a rotting piece of road kill
    I could list every disappointing scene in this list, but my fingers would fall off. I will say they are never physically close, don't hold eye contact, don't have any kind of charismatic repartee, and Padme is visibly scared of Anakin. Way to get us all on board.
  7. Ah, the diner scene. How could I forget the diner scene?
    A diner plays a repeating scenes in my scifi novel fight for dawn (http://bit.ly/fightfordawn), and now I'm ashamed. Don't get me wrong... My scenes are good, but this diner scene pulls us all down.
  8. Back to Padme and Anakin. Remember when Han and Leia fell in love by getting in and out of trouble and riding the adrenalin and we cheered for them? Yeah, Padme and Anakin "fall in love" on a luxury cruise with not a hormone in sight.
    I mean... C'mon.
  9. Ah, yes. Obi-Wan plays a detective in this one. I forgot.
  10. Ah, good. More people sitting in circles deciding things.
  11. "I'm in charge of security here, m'lady." Anakin, to Padme, in the ultimate seductive line
  12. Original trilogy sets felt so heavy and real... Think of millennium flacon or Mos Eisley cantina. What is this? It's nothing. NOTHING!
    9b86dfff f0fe 41e1 88a7 9777447474c6
  13. This might have been where Ewan McGregor gave up.
    17e8fd65 87ca 44de 8b02 0f82e125fddb
  14. There's a planet that's so secretive, it's been erased from the planet library. But, if you go there, Obi-Wan, anyone you run into will tell you everything you want to know.
    They didn't get the memo, I guess.
  15. "You are in my very soul, tormenting me." - more romance from Anakin. "You're asking me to be rational, and I know that something I cannot do."
  16. Oh, good. More Jedi sitting. This is when they are most interesting.
    Fa7b89eb 779b 42e2 aee2 8af6276102b2
  17. Yay! More people-sitting-in-a-circle-talking-about-things! It doesn't get old!
    B4b62b41 dc1e 47fb b13a 12afbb2feaac
  18. I hate that his movie revisits places we see in original trilogy. These scenes ruin the originals for me a bit. I'll never be as excited to see Luke in this workshop.
    70b2c9be 0474 4d31 bb12 577d3614fd09
  19. Likewise, every time they play Vader's March as Anakin over-acts, it makes me sad inside. No one earns those nostalgic references.
  20. At least they are standing in a circle now... :(
    01d2df3f 67fd 4284 8bdb d967b30518d9
  21. I can't even enjoy R2 and C3PO's banter, which I must say is fun.
  22. Oh, great, Padme fell into Henry Ford's house of horrors!!
  23. R2 can FLY!? You can't his add that, bro!!!
  24. Sam Jackson saying "this party is over," because that's how you talk in Star Wars.
  25. Why is this species sitting like a human audience would? They can FLY. Why not fly during the show, or have them on wires. It just feels so lazy. "Hey, we did that audience in the pod race... Let's do it again, but with flying bugs that sit."
    622df10d 361f 44fe bf25 dba9ecc101a6
  26. "I've got a bad feeling about this." - this might be the 3rd time it's been used in the prequels. Stop ruining the good lines from the original trilogy...
    6066ece7 8b64 4256 98aa e6eb1a28ede9
  27. We went from the Rancor to these bozos?
    91f740ec aa7f 425c 9e5b dbc786cb42c9
  28. You want to see the Jedi fight for this public spectacle? Nah, let's just for them to massive poles so the animals break their teeth while trying to eat them? Cool.
    05fc1f5e 7804 40a8 a71f da0f67432510
  29. Ugh.
    512ffc75 53af 4ad7 aa0b 62f63fedfb09
  30. This Jedi fight... They all look like they are competing in baton spinning competitions.
    14f162ad 1987 46c0 a8a8 7739ff66bcdc
  31. It looks like Mace has been training all his life to use a lightsaber. He definitely didn't pick one up today for the first time.
    D4a23e08 6457 453f 96ce 77dd21b5122d
  32. Do you want to light this critical scene for Boba Fett? No? Cool.
    2d38369a 7e9a 42a5 b0d9 b86f685e24a2
  33. I'm so bored and frustrated at this point, I don't care about what's to come.
    F222c985 0c81 4894 9781 0a4341ac5386
  34. Please end. I don't care. I don't care. I don't care that you're calling back Empire Strikes Back ending here... Just end. END!
    4b4798f7 0927 4bd9 b90c 4a73f685b87f
  35. Oh, boy. On to Episode III.