9 Things My Former Roommate Said

Mike Hill was a special someone.
  1. 1.
    "I hate babies, but I dig baby strollers."
  2. 2.
    "I bet if I hit you with a stick, you would spew the most delicious sweets."
  3. 3.
    "Dammit, I really need to start carrying a purse."
  4. 4.
    "I have to go hiking. It’s time for this white ninja to get in shape for the summer."
  5. 5.
    "Sometimes I wish I was Tom Cruise. Tom Cruise/Nelly. Sweat suit! Fuckin’ pimp juice."
  6. 6.
    "You know why they call me the white ninja right?… Cause I’m the albino Negro."
  7. 7.
    "This is organic Brown Rice…..makes you poop."
  8. 8.
    "I like short girls. Really short girls. That way your dick can go all the way up to her throat."
  9. 9.
    "One thing you don’t know about me and we have in common (and I don’t know this for sure) but I’m an excellent lover. Ladies love me. Just thought I’d give you a heads up."