How to Use a Straight Edge Razor

  1. 1.
    Spend $60 on a pack of 4 Power Galaxy Fusion Piston razors by Gillette. Decide you've had it up to here and are done spending a fortune every month just to shave.
  2. 2.
    Buy a straight edge razor for $150, a sharpening strop for $20 and a bottle of oil for the leather strop ($12). Bask in the wisdom of your purchase and the liberating knowledge that this $182 was the last money you'd ever spend on shaving (other than a new bottle of strop oil every couple years).
  3. 3.
    Get up 45 min earlier the next morning, as instructed by the store clerk who sold you the straight edge, since that's how long it takes to shave at first. But still totally worth it and once you get good at it you can be in and out in as little as 35 min.
  4. 4.
    Slice your face in 7 places. No big deal: just apply toilet paper bits and you're all set.
  5. 5.
    Repeat each morning for 2 months, cutting yourself between 3 and 6 times per session. Mostly on the cheeks and jaw; occasionally on the neck or near the ears. Only 4 more months and the straight edge will practically be paying for itself.
  6. 6.
    Realize that while you could totally keep doing this if you wanted to, you've already basically saved a bunch of money, not to mention learned a valuable skill, and it's not like you can't afford regular razors.
  7. 7.
    Put up a Craigslist ad for the straight edge and accoutrements, at the bargain price of $125. End up selling just the blade and strop for $75 to a sketchy dude who asks to meet you in a McDonald's parking lot for the handoff. Refuse to give him the bottle of oil "as a freebie" on principle.
  8. 8.
    Spend $60 on a new pack of Power Galaxy Fusion Piston razors by Gillette.