Things Guys Do on the Throne (Aka Why We're in There for So Long)

It's not because it takes us longer.
  1. Send work emails.
  2. Catch up on texts.
  3. Read the New York Times / Huffpost / Buzzfeed / Flipboard / Circa / Deadline / THR / Variety.
  4. Read (actual paper) magazines / books.
  5. Read the copy on shampoo bottles and other toiletries.
  6. Update / reorganize apps.
  7. Browse Amazon, update 1-click shipping info.
  8. Play Wurdle etc.
  9. Clip fingernails / toenails.
  10. Continue getting dressed (mornings) or undressed (evenings).
  11. Watch Netflix / HBOGO / Hulu.
  12. "Clean" nostrils.
  13. Massage thighs to get feeling back in legs.
  14. Contemplate humanity's place in the vast cold empty universe.