THINGS NOT TO DO AT A FUNERAL

  1. Ask the widow for a kiss
  2. Punch the body and say he hit you first
  3. Slip a whoopee cushion under the widow
  4. Tell the undertaker your dog just died and if he could slip him in the coffin with the body
  5. Put a fake dog poo on top of the coffin
  6. Ask the widow for money that the deceased owned you
  7. Make bets with the family and friends of the deceased of how long the body will take to decompose
  8. Blow a trumpet when someone blows their nose
  9. Use the deceased tongue to lick a stamp
  10. When no one is looking, slip a set of plastic vampire fangs into the mouth of the deceased
  11. Show up to the funeral in a clown suit
  12. Walk around and tell people the deceased didn't like them