Why I Don't Do Fantasy Football

Because every year I'm asked to.
  1. 17 weeks of angst over winning/losing sounds...like not much fun.
  2. Players I would like to pick are on rival football teams.
    I can't, in good conscience, root for Todd Gurley. I can't do it.
  3. Competition makes me sassy and sometimes mean.
  4. I don't want to be bad at it.
    I am prideful.
  5. I will never cheer against any Seattle Seahawk ever.
    Sorry Antonio Brown. You scored a million fantasy points (or whatever) for me but you did it against Richard Sherman so, I'm mad about that.
  6. Oh wait. Just kidding. Richard Sherman won't let that happen.