MEMOIRS OF A FAT KID NOTHING

  1. My dad, a huge sports wagerer who would have four tv's going at the same time, would send me into the kitchen to fetch him tablespoons of marshmallow fluff in pressure situations. For every tablespoon I brought him I must have had four or five.
  2. We had seltzer water delivery service from New York so we could make egg creams the right way. I couldn't even begin to count how many I made myself when I got home from school
  3. Eating kudos bars--the original chocolate dipped granola bar--by the boxful because I thought I was giving myself the nutritional leg up
  4. Going to Florida to visit my grandparents and freaking out over coke slurpees
  5. Visiting california and eating pop rocks for the first time somewhere in San Diego and losing my mind over them
  6. The jelly bellys we used to drive all the way to the Quincy market in Boston for before they hit Connecticut
  7. The cottage cheese and melon I ate for lunch every day the summer my parents signed me up for the diet table at camp takajo without my consent while the entire camp mocked us with their hamburgers and hot dogs and bug juice and hood ice cream
  8. The orange they gave the diet table kids every week at the canteen while the rest of the camp got to pick out two candy bars
  9. The charleston chew I deep throated and then choked on that I attempted to eat while on the run as the other campers closed in on us when my best friend Moose and I stole the whole box from the canteen that time because we couldn't take it anymore
  10. The last Dino's pizza before it closed because they retired and took my childhood along with them
  11. The Nutrisystem popcorn