MY SHARK TANK INVESTOR PROFILE

My second 2016 resolution is to be a guest investor on shark tank so i wanted to highlight what I bring to the table and what I like to invest in if any of you guys know the producers you never know.
  1. What I bring to the table:
  2. 1) twenty thousand of my wife's dollars to invest.
  3. 2) I have far reaching connections to sophia rossi and she can get us into bed bath and beyond I bet.
  4. 3) I can use my convoluted Instagram account where my most liked picture that I posted this year was of a hamster wearing a sweater to help drive sales.
  5. 4) I haven't thrown up in over two years
  6. 5) good instincts
    I know when the sharks are going to invest before the commercial break 90% of the time.
  7. 💰💰💰What I'll invest in:
  8. 1) Food items
    That guy who had the hot coffee thing the hotshot? I would have invested in that. My mouth knows what tastes good I can use that to gauge the customer base.
  9. 2) apps
    I would have invested Leslie's money in the list app but @bjnovak stopped returning my emails after the first week I was on this thing.
  10. 4) Latte art
    A kit of stencils so you can make Seinfeld characters in your lattes? I'd invest in that people like that.
  11. 6) loungewear
    I'm betting big on loungewear for 2016. Mark my words this is the year of the cozy so any kind of sock with a rubber soul or whatever is gonna get the money from me. Or my wife's money from me.
  12. 5) DINY stuff
    Do it yourself was two years ago. People are into do it not yourself now so any company that can do something for me that I'm supposed to be doing like organizing my closets or parenting is gonna get my attention.
  13. 3) truck accessories
    Don't have a truck but if I did I'd accessorize the shit out of it. Every time a truck accessory comes on shark tank the Sharks bail that's when I'll swoop in with a low valuation and keep the show interesting.
  14. 7) not education
    I understand we need education materials but I'm not interested. Schools out for summer for me permanently I'll just tell them I have a conflict of interest
  15. See you guys on the TV and the trending tab!