WHY MINIONS ARE ACTUALLY TERRIBLE

  1. They're one-dimensional
    Yes, technically they're three dimensional - but character wise, they're the laziest possible design. You know how they're going to respond to every possible cue or event and they hardly have any individuality.
  2. They're everywhere
    I mean, what's up with that? Every product imaginable, there's a minion version. I doubt I would mind them if they weren't so massively oversaturated.
  3. No really, they're EVERYWHERE
    Literally everywhere. Places minions have no place being.
  4. Like, what even?
    I get it, sometimes you gotta dress up as minion and then dress your alpaca up as a - You know what? I don't actually get it. Why? What context could possibly justify this?
  5. The fan base
    The minion fan base is primarily young kids, which is more than excusable, and then occasionally you come across... This. Gratata banana indeed.
  6. Oh, and extreme conservatives
    People love using minions to communicate their unrelated extremist ideologies. Like this transphobic minion. Strangely enough, it seems like they're primarily used by conservatives and Christians, but I'm not really sure what to make of that.
  7. They aren't even that cute
    They're nothing particularly cute about minions. I mean, I can see it a little, but they're no Hello Kitty. Look at that hair, those teeth. Eghh!