A FEW THINGS THAT TEENAGE ME DESPISES ABOUT TODAY'S ME

Teenage me makes a couple of valid points here
  1. Paying others to do things I don't want to do
    Teenage me: you are a lazy, spoiled asshole. Today's me: they're better at it than I am.
  2. Driving a car that is not a 1968 Dodge Charger
    Teenage me: nice ride, grandpa. Today's me: I just want to get to where I'm going and not destroy the Earth in the process.
  3. Listening to Steely Dan
    Teenage me: we swore we would never do this. Today's me: I held out as long as I could but damn they hired some amazing musicians to play all over this stuff.
  4. Making my bed
    Teenage me: you're just going to sleep in it again! Today's me: I prefer getting laid to not getting laid, thank you very much.
  5. Spending time with family
    Teenage me: you only go home once or twice a year? The hell is wrong with you? Today's me: you're absolutely right. You win this round.