TEN STEPS FOR BUILDING A STRIP MALL IN LOS ANGELES

  1. 1.
    First, start with a lot that won't have enough parking.
    Ten spaces should be fine.
  2. 2.
    Build an L-shaped, two story building out of white stucco.
    Stucco is making a comeback, believe me.
  3. 3.
    Add one staircase on one end.
    No need for two staircases, putting the stairs at one end will make sure everyone knows where it is.
  4. 4.
    Half-fill it with businesses!
    The sign of a good strip mall is turnover. For Lease signs make drivers curious and more likely to stop in.
  5. 5.
    Put in a smoke shop, nail salon, and Papa Johns on the first floor.
    These are destination stores people will want easy access to.
  6. 6.
    Put a dentist on the second floor.
    Nothing says clean teeth quite like strip mall.
  7. 7.
    Build a large sign post with half of the business' signs.
    Just having a sign post is enough to bring people in, no need to keep it completely up to date. That's what Google Maps is for!
  8. 8.
    Add a valet stand.
    Don't hire any valets, though! Only people who can figure it out for themselves deserve to eat Papa Johns.
  9. 9.
    Name your strip mall.
    THIS IS THE MOST IMPORTANT PART. People love strip malls with catchy names, and it doesn't have to be that hard: combine the nearby cross-streets into one, funky fresh strip mall name.
  10. 10.
    Wait for the money to roll in.
    Congratulations! You now have a successful, unique strip mall in the shopping capital of the country.