~ welcum 2 my brain ~
  1. when jordan osman confessed his love for brittney zivcsak in front of the entire concert choir
  2. when dana kuehn was dropped flat on her face by our footloose choreographer after he lectured the women to "trust your partner, for they will not drop you"
  3. i bet jimmy fallon is a good hugger
  4. i should invent you're welcome cards and become a millionaire
  5. when tommy nero asked his gf to prom over the announcements freshman year and i literally cried in honors bio because it was so fucking cute
  6. there were these identical twin girls in my dance class in elementary school named halle and haley and i just feel like their lives must suck because they look the same and their names are basically the same
  7. that time mr. skidmore stopped concert choir's performance and yelled at chorale in front of the entire audience and we had to start over
    this is probably on tape somewhere and i want that played at my funeral
  8. that time mr. skidmore came on stage and yelled at us during fruitcake and i peed a little
  9. that time mr. skidmore had chorale sight read at a choir concert
  10. lance bass was my first celebrity crush and my family didn't have the heart to tell me he's gay
  11. it must really suck to be color blind
  12. in middle school i had two pictures of zack pytel's butt on my phone
    setting up encore risers and in the line at chipotle
  13. my third grade teacher would eat a bucket of chicken while teaching us cursive
  14. at alex smith's 10th birthday party julia langan slept next to me and when i woke up she was biting my arm
  15. in fourth grade i called my huddle leader a poop head in front her and the whole class and i firmly believe that is why i never got accepted into huddle in high school
  16. in 6th grade i decorated collin dabbieri's locker for his birthday (like FULL OUT covered in wrapping paper and bows and shit and i asked the janitor to open his locker so i could put balloons in it) and he fucking didn't show up to school on his birthday and everyone made fun of me ugh middle school crushes are lame
  17. at morgan wickey's end of the year party when we all went around in a circle doing weird question things and one of the questions was "if we were all stranded on a deserted island and we had to start eating people who would you eat first" and eVERY FUCKING GIRL IN THAT TENT SAID ME. THEY ALREADY KNOW I BE LOOKIN LIKE A FUCKIN S N A C K BITCH
  18. one time at dairy queen i started crying during my shift because selena and dan broke up in the gossip girl episode i watched earlier that day
  19. how the fuck did women shave their vaginas before razors
  20. how does someone like enrique iglesias write their songs, in all seriousness, read their lyrics, and think, "yeah man this is some good shit"
    "baby i like it, the way you move on the floor, baby i like it, c'mon and give me some more, oh ya i like it, screamin' like never before, baby i like it, oh ya i like it" ~inspirational~ also how do they kiss their mom with that same mouth ??????
  21. the time some rando straight up lit a joint behind me on the megabus
  22. why do men talk up their genitals so much ??????????
    why do dudes love talking about their dicks so much???? like have you ever seen a woman brag about her vag??? in any way whatsoever???? also it's not like you worked for it so like why are they expected to be rewarded for something they literally had no control over
  23. why isn't it more common for the man to take the woman's name after marriage????
    it's 2017 people !!!!!! you don't have to follow the rules of society
  24. i've watched wheel of fortune every night at 7pm since i can remember and if i saw vanna white buying toothpaste at walmart i don't think i would even recognize her as anything other than a soccer mom