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  1. β€’
    Some call me a homewrecker, but I prefer home renovation expert!
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    I ONLY live in excess 😏 *hair flip and internally cry hoping no one finds out I'm broke and painted my Payless shoes red to look like Louboutins πŸ™ƒ*
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    My secret to being a perfect wife? Sandwiches, blowjobs, and Jesus!
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    I've always wanted all 35 of my boyfriends in one room
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    My one on one dates could be anything from me sleeping with them to me going through my exes Instagrams with them
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    Instead of roses, I'll give out sunglasses because honestly it's really rude for these men to cry in front of me because crying is only reserved for women as we are obviously the weaker sex physically, sexually, spiritually, and emotionally.
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    What if I drop out of school haha
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    My backup plan is being a high end escort
  3. β€’
    So I hooked up with this guy
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This has no impact on me or my life decisions πŸ™ƒ
  1. β€’
    If milk is expired by 2 days can I still use
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    "Cheese," you say?
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    I'll just eat half and put the rest in Tupperware
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