1. Every girl in LA is a lawyer or a hairstylist
  2. Donning a silicone horse's head is an acceptable substitute for a personality.
  3. Whiskey is the most feminine beverage. All girls love whiskey.
  4. I must love dogs. And cats. And kids. And tacos.
  5. Men must get really turned on by women with finger mustaches because every girl is showing that shit.
  6. Actors never get laid.