THINGS THAT GIVE ME ANXIETY
Sometimes I wish I was kidding....
- •Street parkingWhat if I can't find a spot? What if I'm late because I can't find a spot? What if something bad happens because I'm late because I couldn't find a spot? I'll just Uber, I guess.
- •Making left turns on busy streetsI love you, Waze, but this shit needs to stop.
- •Being the first car at a stoplightSeems irrational, sure, but I've never been the leader of the pack and I don't see why I should start on Sunset and Doheny.
- •Public speakingCan't do it, sorry. I can speak on camera, do a radio show, whatever but if there's a crowd of more than 5 people? No way.
- •Introducing myself to peopleEver since I met Chris Matthews as a kid and he thought I said my name was Jordan River, I've hated introductions.
- •Ordering food at a place where you order at the counterLOOKING AT YOU PANERA 👀
- •First datesI think this is pretty universal but still, the 20 minutes leading up to the date mostly consist of me trying to figure out the best way to cancel.
- •Second datesOkay, so we like each other enough to hang out again. Should be easy right? Nope! Not in my brain!
- •All dates, reallyYeah, I just should stay single maybe.
- •When people ask questions about my tattoosWhat if my descriptions aren't convincing? What if I sound like a poser? Or a try hard?
- •Ordering drinks at a bar I've never been toThis sounds dumb but it's why I always order a whisky sour. I'm too chicken shit to order anything else. Whatever.