1. A text message informing her that my kitchen light, like hers, is flickering. Could they be friends?
  2. Anything involving old episodes of He-Man
  3. The color of my lunch socks (I hate having cold feet when I eat lunch so I always put on socks, hence: lunch socks. Why aren't I wearing socks already you ask? Oh excuuuuuse me, your majesty. Try working from home. I'm amazed I even get out of bed most days never mind accessorize)
  4. Funny tweets I read
  5. Funny tweets I wrote
  6. What candle flavors would be awesome ("first of all, John, they're called scents and secondly not everyone appreciates what your grandmother's pesto smelled like. And, as I told you, I'm in a meeting.")
  7. Sexy texts
  8. Sexy texts about stuff she's already told me are "off the table...and why would you even want to do that?"
  9. Images I found on the internet, most of them cartoons (a surprising number of them involving characters from Archie Comics) illustrating the same
  10. My ideas for "a better pacemaker"
  11. Poems that are not about her