1. Thanks God he's not Dean Koontz.
  2. Gets out of bed
  3. Looks in mirror to double check that he didn't become Dean Koontz
  4. Uses the bathroom while humming the MASH theme song
  5. Does not wash his hands because he's the master of horror and he lives dangerously
  6. Calls Dean Koontz on his way downstairs and asks him if his fridge is running. Dean threatens to get a restraining order and Stephen tells him to call Nicholas Sparks and cry about it.
  7. Hangs up phone and plans for his afternoon Dean Koontz prank phone call.
  8. Uses the bathroom again because he has bladder issues.