THINGS GIRLS DO THAT MAKE ME FALL IN LOVE WITH THEM (WITHOUT TALKING TO THEM FIRST)
Let's be straight right out of the gate, I'm going to cheat on this list. Some of these examples will include talking. Okay, now that that's off my chest we can begin...
- •Wear anything new vaguely motorcycle related.Boots? I'm down. A leather jacket? Hi let's get married.
- •Be annoyed with someone. I'm fairly misanthropic, so when I see a girl who's broadcasting disdain I get interested.True story: I was sitting next to an annoying dude on a bus in Italy. I saw a cute girl roll her eyes at him and I immediately spent a full week winning her over.
- •Show a 'negative' trait. A continuation of the above: I'm super into honest reactions, so I have a thing for when a girl's facade falls and they show annoyance, pride, or sometimes just plain meanness. I'm not saying I like rude people, but if someone who's always sickly-sweet randomly says something mean I'm listening.Second true story: I was at a friend's house and she was complaining that she needed a new sleep mask. She had a gift basket on her table with two of them in it so I asked what was wrong with those. Without even looking she said, 'they aren't cute'. This person is very humble and nice, so I was totally not expecting that. Literally changed the tone of our friendship.
- •Read. Books are dope. I have a dream of seeing a girl reading a Westlake book and marrying her. Unfortunately, I've never even met anyone who's heard of Westlake.Guess what? It's true story time. I just started a new job and one of my coworkers was wearing a Fountainhead shirt. The first thing I said to her was 'hey nice shirt', despite the fact that I've never read Ayn Rand and have no desire to read Ayn Rand. My thought process was 'that's a shirt about a book and I too like books! Compliment it!' In retrospect that's kinda like seeing a person at a movie theatre and yelling 'I like movies' at them.
- •Quote 'Ye like it ain't no thing.If we're at a coffee shop and I see you filling up a water bottle from the complimentary water dispenser I'll probably say, 'Is that allowed?' If you respond with 'who gon' stop me huh?' Sorry, but you now have to cancel any plans you had today because I'm taking you on a date.
- •Like the things I like, but say it like its a given.'Obviously I've seen every James Bond movie.' Obviously.
- •Don't laugh at my jokes.Technically this will drive me insane because, yo, I'm hilarious, but I'll put all my effort into winning you over so count it.
- •Be funny.This is the one that most breaks the rule of 'without talking to them first', but since I included me being funny I should include this as well.
- •Don't be a fan of Doctor Who.I love Doctor Who but the quote-unquote whovians are the worst people in the world.