THOUGHTS I HAD TODAY APROPOS OF NOTHING

Okay, technically most of these thoughts were inspired by things I saw, but 'apropos of stuff I saw' is a way worse title.
  1. If I had a man bun and someone cut it off 'as a prank', I would 100% charge them with assault.
  2. Is that girl going to church or doing a walk of shame?
  3. If she's going to church why is she wearing a 1980s calculator watch?
    If this is a walk of shame why is she wearing a 1980s calculator watch?!
  4. Does James Bond ever have a lazy Sundays?
  5. Whoa that girl's hands are crazy, creepy small; they're like doll's hands! They are seriously freaking me out.
    Those can't be her normal hands, right? They're too small. Is she a witch who collects different hands? Does she have different sets for different occasions? Like, this is the set she uses for eating cookies and freaking me out, but if she were to load lumber into a truck she would wear a larger, hairier set, right? Okay, now I feel bad for mocking her, but not bad enough to go apologize. I like my hands, and I don't want her adding them to her collection.
  6. Zaccheus was a wee little man and a wee little man was he.
  7. Ay shawty, what it do?
    Crap, she made eye contact. Becoolbecoolbecool.
  8. Ay shawty, what it do?
    (This time thought in a lower voice, because I am 'being cool'.)
  9. 'Babies Don't Wear Aprons' would be a great film noir title.
  10. I know a lot of people speak to infants in babytalk, but I ain't about that life. When I meet my 2-month-old niece I won't speak down to her, even if she is from the south.
  11. Whatever happened to Jason Mraz?