Cramps suck qualitatively, and now quantitatively.
  1. Foot
    Most often arrive during swimming or right after waking up. This is a "TAKE THE FOOT! TAKE THE FOOT!" code red situation. Cure- Gotta embrace the pain, and try to flex through it. This is what I imagine what a lobotomy on my foot would feel like.
  2. Neck
    Oh you wanted to see things that weren't directly in front of you? Well the world has different plans for you today. Cure- Slow, (SLOW!) delicate, and methodical neck rolls. Don't be a hero here, take your time.
  3. Armpit
    Can't figure these out and not everyone gets them, but they hurt and are the most awkward cramp. Cure- Jam your fingers into armpit (Mary Catherine Gallagher style) and start "chicken winging" til it goes away. Could be seconds, could be half hours.
  4. Jaw
    These suck a lot too and you can even communicate it. Cure- Slow kneading of jawbones... or clench and ride it out.
  5. Abs
    Everything goes through your abs, no matter what they look like. Feels like Krang trying to escape or a recreation of the iconic Alien scene. Cure- Pray to yours or someone else's God.
  6. Calf
    Never had one of these but they seem to be the only thing that can stop LeBron James, so that is scary. Cure- Rolling your calf on a tennis ball should alleviate some of the pain.
  7. Under Ribs
    Your basic runners cramp. While unpleasant, be thankful it's not one of the aforementioned cramps. Cure- Get into a simple breathing cycle and keep moving.