WORST CRAMP LOCATIONS, RANKED
Cramps suck qualitatively, and now quantitatively.
- •FootMost often arrive during swimming or right after waking up. This is a "TAKE THE FOOT! TAKE THE FOOT!" code red situation. Cure- Gotta embrace the pain, and try to flex through it. This is what I imagine what a lobotomy on my foot would feel like.
- •NeckOh you wanted to see things that weren't directly in front of you? Well the world has different plans for you today. Cure- Slow, (SLOW!) delicate, and methodical neck rolls. Don't be a hero here, take your time.
- •ArmpitCan't figure these out and not everyone gets them, but they hurt and are the most awkward cramp. Cure- Jam your fingers into armpit (Mary Catherine Gallagher style) and start "chicken winging" til it goes away. Could be seconds, could be half hours.
- •JawThese suck a lot too and you can even communicate it. Cure- Slow kneading of jawbones... or clench and ride it out.
- •AbsEverything goes through your abs, no matter what they look like. Feels like Krang trying to escape or a recreation of the iconic Alien scene. Cure- Pray to yours or someone else's God.
- •CalfNever had one of these but they seem to be the only thing that can stop LeBron James, so that is scary. Cure- Rolling your calf on a tennis ball should alleviate some of the pain.
- •Under RibsYour basic runners cramp. While unpleasant, be thankful it's not one of the aforementioned cramps. Cure- Get into a simple breathing cycle and keep moving.