How to Be a Very Successful Lawyer

  1. Have short hair
    You've never seen a successful lawyer with long hair. That's because if you're making a serious law point and you've got hair covering your face, nobody will get what you're saying. They'll think you're some rock n roller who stumbled in from the hard rock across the street.
  2. Say "ladies and gentlemen"
    This will make the jury respect you. Even if they're just a bunch if rock n rollers who stumbled in from the hard rock across the street, they'll feel like first class citizens and make sure you win your case.
  3. Point at things
    If you don't do this, people won't know what you're talking about. The law is complicated but pictures and evidence are simple. Point to the right stuff, and your case is as good as won. Point to the wrong stuff, and you'll look like a fucking idiot. Make sure to rehearse before your big case.
  4. Be named "Richard" probably
    If you've got a name like Richard, people will trust you. Sure, they can make jokes and call you Dick, but a real Richard is defined by how he responds to Dick. Talk to some real life Richards and you'll see.
  5. Don't be blind
    I know this is a little controversial but it is much harder to be a lawyer if you're blind. They do it on "Daredevil" (which I believe is fiction) and it seems great but I think it will actually make being a lawyer much harder. Not 100% sure on this, will circle back when I find out more about Daredevil.